I'm not an animal behaviorist, but I'll hazard a guess that seems logical enough to me. If I can interpret the sequence of events correctly, I'd say kitty had a lot of negative stuff happening in association with sight/sounds/smells of your fiancee's father (I'm just gonna call him FIL for short), and those associations are outweighing any potential positive associations. It's just a guess...animals certainly have their own reasons for who they do and don't like, just like people. To rebuild any potential relationship between kitty and your FIL you'll have to go very slowly. Have your FIL come over and visit often, and completely ignore your cat. She needs to get over the idea that his presence = grabbing/trip to vet/poking at paws, etc. As time goes on she can be rewarded for being in the same room with him, and he can give her treats or try to play with her with a string toy or something. I don't think he should be making any moves toward her at this point because she obviously feels very threatened.
Just my opinion, good luck.
Edited: I have to ask what you mean by "distempered"?
Last edited by millie121; 08-07-2006 at 04:31 PM.