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post #1 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-07-2011, 09:16 PM Thread Starter
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Thumbs down Jealousy in cats ?

I seem to be having trouble with mickey
hes been peeing anywhere he can floor bed sofa ect,
but only when alyson is home even when hes with us and shes home he pees
he never pees when shes gone or if where gone out. Simply when shes home.
Hes totally jealous of her. and im not sure what to do. When he pees we show him and say no mickey not here bring him over to his littre box and say pee here. when he does pee in the littre box , he gets postive things like being pet and treats and cuddles. I dont know anything else to do..Has anyone every experienced this with a jealous cat and your kid ? Theres nothing medically wrong with him other then his cerebral, hes been to the vet recently and they found nothing and hes neutured . I just don't know what to do anymore.

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post #2 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-08-2011, 08:16 PM
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Aw, yes. Cats can express jealousy over young ones. It might be a behavioral thing like, protection. He might pee to warn other animals to stay away? How is he around her? Is he gentle, protective, afraid? Is he not allowed near her? Bc that could be a rooting cause as well.
I would not, however, pick him up and tell him about his litter box after the fact. 1. cats do not understand human language moreso than the voice tone familiarity of good praise and names and treats. and 2. Unless he's peeing and you pick him up right away {as he is still peeing} and drop him in the litter than he will not get it or learn. He will probably continue the behavior. Since I know you better than to assume you catch him after the fact and punish him, I wil assume you DO add him to the litterbox while he is peeing. No negative punishers are needed. Just keep adding him to the box. Give him a treat.

Unfortunately, the best way to eliminate bad behaviour is to ignore it.. We don't want pee everywhere though!!! I'm stumped.
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post #3 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-08-2011, 08:40 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Purple-Hops View Post
Aw, yes. Cats can express jealousy over young ones. It might be a behavioral thing like, protection. He might pee to warn other animals to stay away? How is he around her? Is he gentle, protective, afraid? Is he not allowed near her? Bc that could be a rooting cause as well.
I would not, however, pick him up and tell him about his litter box after the fact. 1. cats do not understand human language moreso than the voice tone familiarity of good praise and names and treats. and 2. Unless he's peeing and you pick him up right away {as he is still peeing} and drop him in the litter than he will not get it or learn. He will probably continue the behavior. Since I know you better than to assume you catch him after the fact and punish him, I wil assume you DO add him to the litterbox while he is peeing. No negative punishers are needed. Just keep adding him to the box. Give him a treat.

Unfortunately, the best way to eliminate bad behaviour is to ignore it.. We don't want pee everywhere though!!! I'm stumped.
he is allowed near her supervised of course just like the other two cats, he only gets put in the littre box when i catch him in the act, hes kind of agressive with her compared to the other two cats example moe my oldest cat licks her and sleeps next to her when shes in my arms, and kimik sits and watches her and moews constantly if the baby is crying and we dont go see her right away she kinda thinks shes alysons mommy, and for mick well he will see her in our arms for example and try and push her out of our arms so that he can lay on us usually we make some kind of room so they can sleep with her like them laying on our lap for example while shes in are arms, but hes started trying to get between are arms and hisses at her and biting her ?. he also doesnt pee right next to her,... he goes into another room and pees. but yet doenst do it if alysons not home and doesnt do it if where not home, its only when shes home that he does it.

the hissing and biting thing only started today thou the peeing thing has been going on for almost 8 weeks as alysons 8 weeks this upcoming week. weve tried ignoring him when he pees except for when of course we catch him in the act. it just seems to be getting worse and it worrys me,....

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post #4 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-11-2011, 02:22 AM
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How they are introduced with each other? Mickey might feel uncomfortable and trying to mark on things..

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post #5 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-11-2011, 03:01 AM Thread Starter
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How they are introduced with each other? Mickey might feel uncomfortable and trying to mark on things..
he only pees in our bedroom or in the corner of the door when our door is closed.... before bringing alyson home,hubby brought a blanket home that smelled like alyson each day for 3 days before we came home with her. he was ok with her the first but know its like he realizes shes staying....I thought it was because he wasnt neutured so after the second week of him peeing we brought him to get neutured but that doesnt seem to be the problem and i know its really hard to teach him because he is slightly mentally challenged.....but i just not sure what to do anymore.

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post #6 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-11-2011, 11:05 AM
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Are you sure he's jealous and not stressed when she's around?

I'm just asking because the one time I had a cat growing up, we introduced a dog into the family and the cat got really stressed out over it even though the dog didn't bug her. She started peeing outside of her litter box when the dog was around due to the stress.

The hissing and biting and stuff could be because he is intimidated by the baby instead of jealous. A new baby in the house is a big adjustment for everyone involved, especially pets.

If it's stress there are ways you can try to help him deal with it, including medications from the vet if nothing else helps.


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post #7 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-12-2011, 07:11 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
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Are you sure he's jealous and not stressed when she's around?

I'm just asking because the one time I had a cat growing up, we introduced a dog into the family and the cat got really stressed out over it even though the dog didn't bug her. She started peeing outside of her litter box when the dog was around due to the stress.

The hissing and biting and stuff could be because he is intimidated by the baby instead of jealous. A new baby in the house is a big adjustment for everyone involved, especially pets.

If it's stress there are ways you can try to help him deal with it, including medications from the vet if nothing else helps.
Pretty sure it's jealousy cuz he tries to knock her out of our arms to get more attention then her my vet thinks jealousy as well

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post #8 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-14-2011, 11:43 PM Thread Starter
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I think the storm maybe over *crosses fingers* two days he hasnt peed on the floor but actually used his littre box, wasnt jealous of aly in 2 days actually licked her today cuddled up on the side of me and purred......

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post #9 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-15-2011, 04:05 PM Thread Starter
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spoke to soon >_< this morning he didnt just pee in the corner he pooped to and peeded in 3 diffrent places argh.

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post #10 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-12-2012, 07:07 PM
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Desperate Donna

I have 3 cats; Bentley, a 5 yr old male, Dolce, a 4 yr old male & Bella, a 4 yr old female (Dolceís biological sister). THEYíVE ALL GROWN UP TOGETHER. To this day, they still snuggle w/each other. Dolce has become my lap cat. Yet, now, if Bentley or Bella try 2 come near me or if I attempt 2 give them the slightest amt of attn, Dolce flips out & itís getting progressively worse. I donít have much of a problem w/Bella cause (A) sheís a more independent cat & (B) Bella doesnít take any crap from Dolce. Bentley, on the other hand, lost the alpha war, but Dolce STILL bullies Bentley terribly!

Bentley is the oldest out of the 3 cats & the largest. Now, I live in a much smaller environment, but itís still only me as far as humans go. I hang out basically in 1 large room, where I have my bed, my TV, & my recliner. The other room (where there is no a/c) there is another bed, the 4 large litter boxes (for the 3 cats), my dresser, etc. Bentley is now basically LIVING under the bed in the other room & apparently defecating under that bed too! This AM. I discovered that underneath almost the entire bed in the other room was filled w/dried up poop! Plus, the material on the bottom of the bed is all ripped apart. He must be crapping on the floor under the bed & hanging out in the box spring. This is much worse than I had thought!

A few mos ago urinating & defecating began. I have pee pee pads all over the other the 2 rooms. 4 awhile it was happening in areas near me too. I think Bentley & Dolce were both marking those areas near me as their territory while the alpha battle was in full force. That has stopped & itís clear that Dolce won the title. Yet, there is still a great problem. Even after placing 6 Feliway, Comfort Zone diffusers throughout the 2 measly rooms in my home, the intimidation & bullying is still going on, I believe worse than ever! I noticed that the urinating all over has stopped w/the Comfort Zone, but, the jealousy is still in full force. Bentley has no life, he lives in fear under the bed, he wants love & attention from me but heís afraid to get it! Even if I approach him to pet him, heís a nervous wreck that Dolce will see & go after him (which is exactly what Dolce does). Itís a shame because Bentley was always a sweetheart. He could easily be another lap cat if the circumstances were different. For the 1st 4 yrs of all their lives, they all slept w/me on my bed. Even then, Dolce was always right on top of me. This past yr & a half, in my 2-bedroom apt, Dolce will not allow Bella or Bentley to sleep on the bed w/me, even though they grew up all sleeping w/me! At one time, I had 5 cats sleep w/me & now Iím down to 1. Iím not a happy camper. I wouldnít mind so much if the other 2 cat didnít want to sleep w/me, but I know they do, particularly, Bentley!

Now, I have to keep dry food & water in both rooms @ all times, because I noticed Bentley was getting thinner & I saw what was happening. WHENEVER, BENTLEY WOULD COME INTO MY ROOM TO EAT OR DRINK OUT OF THE CAT BOWLS, DOLCE (Usually snuggling on my lap @ the time) WOULD ABRUPTLY JUMP OFF MY LAP & BULLY BENTLEY RIGHT BACK INTO THE OTHER ROOM & UNDER THE BED! So, Bentley couldnít eat any dry food or drink any water. Dolce would then come back on my lap as if nothing ever happened! WHENEVER BENTLEY ATTEMPTS TO COME OUT OF THE OTHER ROOM, HE SNEAKS AROUND HOPING DOLCE WONíT HEAR OR SEE HIM. BENTLEY LIVES IN CONSTANT FEAR & INTIMIDATION, HE WALKS ON EGGSHELLS! My poor boy! ITíS BREAKING MY HEART! I feed them wet food once a day every MORNING 4 breakfast, which they live for so to speak. They all LOVE their wet food! For a few now, Iíve had to feed Bentley his wet food in the other room. When Bentley comes out 4 breakfast, Dolce is more concerned w/chasing Bentley back into the other room than eating his own wet food (THAT SPEAKS VOLUMERS). This MORNING was the last straw. I woke up in bed w/Dolce snuggling w/me (as usual). He canít seem to get close enough to me. If he could lie on my face he would. You would think that Dolce would have be in heaven since he had me all to himself, but when he saw Bentley try to come into the room, peaking around the corner to see if I was up (thatís all Bentley did), Dolce ran off the bed & chased Bentley back into the other room under the bed (the usual). I got up & prepared their wet food as usual (now Bella has breakfast w/Bentley in the other room cause Dolce would inhale his wet food & then eat hers) Plus, Bella has always had a crush on Bentley anyway. Itís so adorable. Now, when Dolce goes to his dish & is not paying attn to anything else, I quickly bring Bentley & Bellaís food into the other room & they now run in there & wait 4 me. Thatís become the new routine. Anyway, this morning, I was preparing their wet food but Dolce got wise to me & chased Bentley into the other room & stayed in there! He didnít even care about his wet food out here. APPARENTLY, BULLYING BENTLEY TOOK PRECEDENCE OVER EATING HIS WET FOOD! Yet, about 2 hours later Bentley & Dolce were snuggling w/each other on the bed! Go figure! IíM SO CONFUSED!

1st & foremost, Iím sick over what heís doing to my sweet Bentley. Iíve tried everything Iíve read. I even paid an animal communicator (pet psychic) who read them all wrong. She initially saw a picture of them snuggling together & it tainted her reading. She was adamant that it wasnít jealousy or territorial, she said that I should take Bentley to the vet to make sure heís not sick w/a urinary infection, etc. Well, I did & thank God Bentley is fine. Besides, I live w/them day in & day out & see & whatís going on here. Plus, no on knows my cats better than me. Iím usually very in tune w/them & Iím not inexperienced when it comes to multiple cat households. 4 the last 2 decades, I havenít had less than 2 cats in my home @ once.

I actually considered finding Bentley a new home in which heís the only cat since heís intimidated so easily. But, we didnít have this problem before & he was perfectly fine w/my former 3 cats, who have all passed on by now. Besides, I love Bentley so very much, heís so handsome & so sweet. He has such a beautiful soul & he adores me too! Itís not fair to either of us to separate Bentley & me! Yet, Dolce is my buddy, my snuggler, etc. Heís always been kind of special to me, always stood out from the others.

Now, to add fuel to the fire (for ME), I met someone & 4 the time in over 10 yrs, Iíve opened my heart again & Iím in a serious love relationship, who asked me to move in w/him. Heís a large 2-bedroom townhouse. Iím considering it, but even if I donít move in w/him now, eventually, it MAY happen. How can I ever possibly ever move in w/him if this is going on? What if Bentley ends up defecating & possibly urinating all over his house! Or, if the territorial fight begins all over again in the new home, whereas Dolce & Bentley start urinating all over the house (his house) again to mark their territories in the new home. That would probably end the relationship I have w/him, because 1 can only tolerate so much of that. Iíve been through something similar before w/a friend.

PLUS, HOW IS DOLCE GOING TO RESPOND TO ANOTHER MAN IN MY LIFE (my boyfriend)? Thatís another whole issue! All of the Dolceís life (and, of course Bentleyís & Bellaís too), there have never been other humans in the house. Theyíre used to getting my undivided attention their entire lives, which is another issue Iíll eventually have to deal with. Unlike all of my former cats that have passed on, my current 3 cats are never around people. Iíve kept to myself 4 the past 10 yrs. donít have much company nor roommates like I used to. So, none of my cats are comfortable around any other humans but me. If someone does come to visit me, they all run & hide under the bed in the other room. This stinks because I tell all of my friends how cute & funny they can be, but no 1 ever gets to see that. But, thatís the least of my problems right now!

Iím happier than Iíve been in yrs in every other aspect of my life, but this is ruining it & stressing me out terribly & when I start to stress out, all the kitties sense it & they start to stress out themselves even more. My little family needs help more now than ever. I WELCOME ANY & ALL WORDS OF WISDOM, RECOMMENDATIONS, ETC.

I DONíT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO, PLEASE HELP ME, MORE IMPORTANTLY, HELP BENTLEY!

PS Ė So sorry this is so long, but Iíve learned how important history is when it comes to cat behavior. Plus, when I donít include the details, people suggest things that Iíve already tried, which is a waste of everyoneís time.
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post #11 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-12-2012, 11:10 PM
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This is like reading what happened between my cat and my fiance's cat a couple years ago. They, however, did not grow up together. My cat was terrified of other cats when we adopted her(hid underneath the table), and his cat had always been the dominant sort. His cat(Poppy) ran my cat(Cookie) off from the food bowls, the water bowls, the litter boxes, and just in general. I tried everything from reprimanding Poppy, to physically restraining her so my cat could come out and do what she needed. But it never made it better, in fact it only made it worse. Cookie also, had chosen to hide underneath the bed and defecate under there. Nothing else worked, so I apologized to her and blocked her off from underneath the bed. Then Cookie started hiding/defecating behind the bookcase. I blocked her off from there. Then she started hiding up on top of the STEREO, and doing her business there. I blocked her off from there. Then she started getting up on the window sill and defecating there. Once again, I blocked her off. A year later, AND an additional cat, she gets along with them. She still has her boundaries, and swats at them if they get too close, but she uses the litter box, eats, drinks her water, and just wanders around.

Bentley knows he has you wrapped around his little finger. He knows perfectly well that Dolce is testing him, and he has no care to try and end it because his mama(you) is going to give into him and in the end, he's going to get what he wants. He knows he can hide all day from Dolce and still get food and water because mama is going to make sure he does. But he's a big boy, mama, and you've GOT to let him deal with this on his own. Human psychology does not work on cats. I wish it did, but it doesn't. The only way to end this is by forcing Bentley to stand up for himself and stop giving them escape routes.

I think you need to block Bentley from hiding underneath the bed, and any other place he could use to hide.

Right now, meal time is all about stress and who can eat the fastest. Feed them all in the same room. Feeding them separately is only making Dolce all the more insistent on pronouncing his dominance again and again. Bentley(and Bella) have to learn that mama isn't going to baby him and he's a big boy who must deal with this on his own. When they prove themselves to Dolce, he'll leave them alone. I think you're only making matters worse by signaling out Bentley and Bella and making their weaknesses more attractive to Dolce.

Also, you may want to consider an interactive device for feeding them all like a Slimcat or homemade one. That will distract Dolce enough and give Bella and Bentley time to eat. Plus it will make mealtime less about stress and who can eat the fastest, and more about fun and intelligence. I read somewhere that cats are not *supposed* to nap long periods the way they do, but indoor life is so ordinary and boring compared to outdoor life that they make up for their boredom by sleeping all the time and eating, and when you pour food into a bowl it takes no intelligence at all in comparison to hunting down a bird(or figuring out how to get it out of a contraption) which takes patience and wit.

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post #12 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-13-2012, 01:37 AM
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Red face Bentley & Dolce

Thanks for such a prompt reply! I did try locking Bentley out of that other room altogether for a few nights. I moved a couple of the litter boxes in by me & the bathroom. Bentley hid under the TV on the TV stand. Of course Dolce bullied him as expected. Bentley even attempted to jump on my bed. That lasted about a second! That's when he started defecating near my bed and recliner.

So, based on your situation, it certainly looks like I gave up too soon. Once he started defecating near my bed & recliner, I started opening the door to the other room again. I'll try it again now that I have more hope since I now know all of what you went thorough and your cats eventually it worked itself out, which is what I've been hoping for all along. I would think it should be easier for Bentley and Dolce because they grew up together & snuggle together. What do you make of that....their snuggling together shortly after Dolce bullies Bentley? It baffles me! I'm not worried about Bella; she's funny because she doesn't take any crap from Dolce. She walks around & does whatever she wants to do and hisses at Dolce accordingly. LOL I love how sweet Bentley is but I wish he would be more like Bella. Thanks so much for sharing!

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post #13 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-13-2012, 03:01 AM
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Yeah, Cookie kept finding "safe places" which I know are important for any species. I felt terrible blocking her from them, but it's better to have a confident cat that can make friends, than a frightened cat who only makes enemies. Besides, after they prove themselves, the "bully" seems to relinquish their safe places back to them. My cat's safe place now is on top of the computer desk, and I've never seen Poppy ever bully her off of it. She rarely ever bullied her away from her temporary safe places before I blocked them off, because she knew Cookie would come off of it sooner or later for one reason or another. Cats are very reasonable, respectful creatures *if* we let them be.

The only way I sort of gave in was made sure during that time she had a litter box right close by. That way she didn't have to trek across the room in order to use one. That seemed to help loads.

As far as the snuggling... I'm sure they adore one another, but kitties seem to have a rigid "I'm da boss" sort of 'tude that they feel they have to prove when things get rocky. At times humans don't understand. Like, seemingly out of the blue Poppy would charge Cookie and back her down. Maybe Cookie said something rude to her that's beyond me, but they have their reasons, and they're usually pretty good ones. I think you just need to trust Dolce knows what he's doing and have faith that Bentley can stand up to him and sort things out.

One thing I've learned with cats is the more you interfere, the worse you make it. My fiance had to keep on his toes in order to hold me back when we were first introducing our cats just so I wouldn't stop Poppy from messing with my poor little babycat.

I do think you all would benefit from sprucing up meal times. Maybe if they're working together to figure meal time out, it won't become such a stressful situation.
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post #14 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-11-2012, 09:14 AM
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I have the same problem. I had a girl over last night, and I was cuddling with her on the couch. My cat came in very angry and just ran over and scratched and bit my roommate. Cats are nuts.
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