Oh, I am so, so sorry.
I saw another post that you left of your other kids and I commented on it, but I did not know yet that Rafi had passed away. I just now read this post.
It just broke my heart to read your post but you were so sensitive and keen to how Rafi was feeling, and thank the gods you were able to tell that he was ready to go.
Like Story said, letting our babies go when they are not enjoying this world anymore is a selfless act that is done for their benefit, not for ours.
You were right to know instinctively that even if drugs or other methods might have kept him alive, it would have been to make you happy and not him. That is incredibly sensitive and thoughtful of you to realize that.
Luckily, he was able to pass on in the comfort of his happy home, near Mommy, and that is such a nice thing.
I wish my own boys had been able to go that way. We had to make the tough decision with PTS, after trying so hard to save them with the hospital trips and oxygen tanks and finally realizing that our babies had just..had..enough. I knew they were not having fun anymore and they just wanted to go. Either way, it still hurts so much to lose your baby. Just remembering that time period is making me tear up as I type this. I bawled like a baby and practically became hysterical at the clinic when it happened. SO....we all know the hurt. It runs very deep. I really feel for you right now.
Again, I am so very sorry. Rafi was loved so much and he was a very lucky boy to have such a loving and happy home with you. And yes, relief is a good thing to acknowledge because now you know he is not suffering anymore. That is such a good thing to remember. I know he is very comfortable, pain free and happy right now...and smiling.
And that is what will help you next time you are feeling that hurt, I think.
My kisses and love go out to him. I am sure he is surrounded with lots of new ratty friends from right here on this forum that have passed, including my own kiddos, Storyseeker's, Breyer's, Lilspaz's and many more ratties, and he is having a wonderful time. It is just so very hard on us humans that get left behind, yes?