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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-19-2004, 05:38 PM Thread Starter
 
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Talking Medicating Parrots (humor)

MEDICATING PARROTS (Humor)

by Garry J. Wallan

Occasionally, we find it necessary to medicate our feathered friends. Here are some pointers to help you with this task.

FIRST APPLICATION:
1. Retrieve the bird from the cage.
2. Set the bird on a table and hold its head by carefully grasping the neck where it joins the lower jaw, or mandible.
3. With your other hand, grasp the medicine syringe and place the tip into the left side of the bird's mouth.
4. Depress the plunger and squirt the medicine toward the back of the bird's throat.
5. Wipe excess medicine from the bird's beak.
6. Place the bird back in the cage.


SUBSEQUENT APPLICATIONS:
1. Attempt to retrieve the bird from the cage.
2. Apply bandages as necessary to wounds on your hands and arms.
3. Retrieve the bird from its new hiding place under the coffee table.
4. Carefully immobilize the bird's head to prevent further tissue damage to your body.
5. Attempt to break the "Vulcan Death Grip" and remove the bird's feet from your hand.
6. Apply more bandages and a strong analgesic cream to the new wounds on your hands and arms.
7. Immobilize the bird by carefully wrapping it in a bath towel.
8. Watch in amazement as the bird "morphs." Its head and tail will probably swap position, putting your tender flesh in mortal danger again.
9. Hold the bird snugly in its terrycloth prison.
10. Grasp the medicine syringe. Try to stop trembling in fear and pain. Place the tip of the syringe into the left side of the bird's mouth.
11. Ignore the crushed tip. Depress the plunger and squirt the medicine toward the back of the bird's throat.
12. Wipe excess medicine out of your eyes and off the drapes.
13. Release the bird and squirt medicine in the general vicinity of its face. Some medicine may actually go into the mouth. The rest will be absorbed by osmosis.
14. Shoo the bird back to the cage.
15. Spend the rest of the day attempting to regain the bird's affection with yummy snacks and new toys.


Copyright © 1998 Garry J. Wallan. All rights reserved.
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-19-2004, 05:39 PM Thread Starter
 
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How true is that?!?
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-19-2004, 07:24 PM
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lmbo ! Dear God, pleeeeease may I never have to medicate Eephus !

Vulcan Death Grip - OMG, that's so true! LOL
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-19-2004, 07:56 PM
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I can just picture it! I had to print it out for our avian vet, she'll enjoy it!

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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-19-2004, 10:14 PM
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-20-2004, 08:50 AM Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JGawana
13. Release the bird and squirt medicine in the general vicinity of its face. Some medicine may actually go into the mouth. The rest will be absorbed by osmosis.
My favorite part!!
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-20-2004, 09:58 AM
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Jodi that is so funny! I currently have to syringe a herbal mixture down my dog's throat and lucky she doesn't try and bite or claw me but there is a good wrestling struggle which usually ends up with my arms, face and legs covered in herbs, along with the furniture and her running away!

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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-20-2004, 06:47 PM
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omg Jodi, I almost spit coke out my nose when I read that!
The "terry cloth prison" made me laugh out loud- it reminded me of how Dante "morphs" out of the towel when it's nail trim or wing clip day!

Too funny!

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