I cannot tell you how stressed out I've have been over the last few weeks. I can't sleep, I've been having nightmares, and breaking out like a 13 year old over all this. The behaviorist said that in the wild wolf packs, when too many animals in the pack, mature animals will split to form new packs to prevent inbreeding. Since I have two siblings and two dogs is one too many in their (my dogs) estimation. He said in males when they are neutered this is completely taken away but females never completely lose this "feeling" even when spayed. So that apparently is the call of the wild reason why they have been fighting over food and attention.
He told me that because they get along together when they are alone there is no reason why they could not learn to tolerate the other getting attention. Actually for the past couple of days the food hasn't been an issue. My husband fed them the last three times like we normaly used to do, in bowls side by side in a raised feeder, and no problems at all. They have still been sleeping squeezed into to the same crate. I was told not to separate them with different crates and to not treat either of them differently, that could actually make things worse. It will actually show the other one that it is okay to be dominant. Training is pretty upsetting for me (a lot of it relates back to me being attacked by that dog at the shelter and suddenly I'm a big freaking chicken!) Its much easier with two people but they both wear head leaders, of his own design which are pretty cool. Then we have to antagonize Baci by petting Dolce and the minute she starts to stare her down we say no and pull eye contact away. Its amazing how great these leaders work when they fit properly. My dogs hate them and wont move a muscle. I can control a 60lb dog with my pinky. He said that these situations are not as bad as people think and to actually need to separate the dogs because they absolutely can not learn to tolerate one another is very rare. He said he has actually only seen 2 or 3 cases of this happening and I know he has been in business at least 8 years (I know its been longer but not sure exact time)
My husband still feels that we can teach them to tolerate each other but are they going to be happy. I think he sees how upset I am and thinks it will be easier on me if they are separated. I know I have to work on my behavior as well. I am not scared at all that they will hurt me in any way (even the behaviorist said they were great dogs) its just that noise when they fight just clicks my subconscience to when I was bit and I freeze and I get scared. The though of having to antagonize my dogs makes me really upset (well its just petting them at the same time that will do it, its not like i'm poking them with a cattle prod or anything). Looks like I need my own behaviorist as well. I'm sure I will be fine once I take control of myself.