Argh Where to start ok ok.deep breathe, breathe breathe breathe. now let it all out......People annoy me in this case one couple in particulair.Soo this is how it started 5 days a go a girl i know from when i was younger came onto msn, and needed someone to talk to , so i just listened, she wanted to leave her husband of 6 years to be with a man that she had always been in love with but didn't know how to get a hold of that person. She then managed to find that other man on facebook, She asked for my advice and I personally don't think her and her husband should be togethier as he is very manipulative, But I did not tell her this, I simply said that her heart knows whats best for her, For 3 days straight she contineaud to tell me how she is leaving her husband for this man, Last night she came online with a diffrent tune.....Her and her husband arent breaking up they have decided to try for a child,:timeout:this drew a red flagg for me but again I didnt say anything and just listened to how excited she was about this ect, Then after a few hours of chatting I asked her why the sudden change she said because a baby would make there whole relationship work,,,,and asked me what i thought of it, So i did express my concern, that a baby is not a doll you cant just make it go away when she and her husband dont work no more and she said i worry to much so i stayed quite. Today she came online and asked me to contineau what i was saying yesturday,so i asked her if she was sure she wanted to hear it she said yes. So i contineaud I said wouldnt it be better if her and her husband worked on there relationship issues first before bringing a child into this world ? that a baby will not make things better if anything it might make it worst as a baby is alot of responsability.....so she says she has to go and signs off, it stayed like that till tonight Tonight she came online and said that I hurt her feelings that i think she is incompant to raise a child I never said that i explained that I only have concerns as it wouldnt be fair for a child if the parents are always fighting, She then told me it was none of my business, which i told her I fully agreed that it wasnt, but i also said if she didnt want to know she shouldnt of ask.Then she goes on to say that if her husband cant have kids that they plan to do artificial insimanation which im not against at all but.....she said she planned to use someone who is with her mom right now as the donner............:noway:this man has been a step father to her since she was 3 years old......To me this was just odd. But I didnt tell her that....she said and if her and her husband break up her mom could always raise the kid and she could always try for another kid later on, but anyways the thing that drives me nuts is she thinks having a child will make her relationship better her husband is abusive a cheater and very manipulative i dont feel having a child in anyway will make this relationship better, I was just wondering, what your guys opnion is on this...
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WHOA! Want my honest opinion? She needs a psychological evaluation BAD! Her step-father/father figure since she was three is going to be the father!?!?
OK 1) a child does not make a relationship easier! It makes it harder! She needs to be secure in her relationship before she brings in a child that relies completely on her!
2) Her step-father? EWWWW
3) wow....
OK 1) a child does not make a relationship easier! It makes it harder! She needs to be secure in her relationship before she brings in a child that relies completely on her!
2) Her step-father? EWWWW
3) wow....
I havent a clue -_- but being an expecting myself it really annoys me that she would want to bring a baby into this world to fix a crappy relationship to me personally its just wrong.
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She should leave her husband and stay single for a while to rethink her life through before making the next step, at least that way she'd have time to think and realize the issues with what she wanted to do.
She also seems like the type that doesn't give a **** about other opinions other then her own and that her husband found out she was going to leave him and decide to pop the idea of a child into her head.
The step-father thing I used to say WTF but if you think about it it's the same with a couple that the girl can't have kids so the mother/step-mother sister/step-sister will get artificially inseminated by the husband or boyfriend and carry the child for her. It's the same thing if you think about it but if she doesn't know if he can have some or not she shouldn't jump to conclusions and think too much ahead because if you really believe in something i.e. he can't make her pregnant, it'll never work. If you believe something so much and if you keep telling yourself something it will automatically do that. Your scared of idk the dark, keep telling and believing that you aren't and it'll stop same with pregnancies i.e. false pregnancies, women that desperately want a child will get all the symptoms and never actually be pregnant.
BOTTOM LINE she should NEVER have kids with him at least.
She also seems like the type that doesn't give a **** about other opinions other then her own and that her husband found out she was going to leave him and decide to pop the idea of a child into her head.
The step-father thing I used to say WTF but if you think about it it's the same with a couple that the girl can't have kids so the mother/step-mother sister/step-sister will get artificially inseminated by the husband or boyfriend and carry the child for her. It's the same thing if you think about it but if she doesn't know if he can have some or not she shouldn't jump to conclusions and think too much ahead because if you really believe in something i.e. he can't make her pregnant, it'll never work. If you believe something so much and if you keep telling yourself something it will automatically do that. Your scared of idk the dark, keep telling and believing that you aren't and it'll stop same with pregnancies i.e. false pregnancies, women that desperately want a child will get all the symptoms and never actually be pregnant.
BOTTOM LINE she should NEVER have kids with him at least.
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1,386 Posts
This is a Jerry Springer train wreck.
Children are not, and should never be a bargaining chip for anyone. That is what she's using a baby for. A bargaining chip to manipulate her manipulative husband (or vice/versa). They are individual and separate humans, not rare collectible cabbage patch dolls.
Not to mention the obvious, that like others have said children do not improve any relationship. They make relationships harder. And I'm speaking as a mother of two who loves her children and works with children for a living.
Simple fact: Any time you add more human beings to a relationship circle, it makes it more complicated and harder. Add little tiny human beings who come into the world full of need 24/7 for the first 20 years of their lives? Much, much, much harder.
She needs good therapy from somewhere -- her clergy, a psychologist, a therapist, somewhere.
I voted that she should never have kids. Not because I thought that, but I couldn't put that she needed to grow up 'a little'. What she needs to do is grow up a LOT.
Children are not, and should never be a bargaining chip for anyone. That is what she's using a baby for. A bargaining chip to manipulate her manipulative husband (or vice/versa). They are individual and separate humans, not rare collectible cabbage patch dolls.
Not to mention the obvious, that like others have said children do not improve any relationship. They make relationships harder. And I'm speaking as a mother of two who loves her children and works with children for a living.
Simple fact: Any time you add more human beings to a relationship circle, it makes it more complicated and harder. Add little tiny human beings who come into the world full of need 24/7 for the first 20 years of their lives? Much, much, much harder.
She needs good therapy from somewhere -- her clergy, a psychologist, a therapist, somewhere.
I voted that she should never have kids. Not because I thought that, but I couldn't put that she needed to grow up 'a little'. What she needs to do is grow up a LOT.
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5,417 Posts
The step father thing kind of struck me as odd as well, not only did she not have kids but I guess her reasoning is that he is someone whom she knows and would trust with sperm count and such whereas a sperm bank is catalogue-like. Either way, if her and her husband didnt work out her MOM would take responsibility for it so she can carry on and maybe try later?!
WTF?!
This girl is mental
WTF?!
This girl is mental
-_- im glad im not the only one annoyed by the idea that she wants to give up the child to her mom if it doesn't work and try again later.
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19,823 Posts
I am speechless.I will be blunt.
This girl has some issues.She should not have children at this point.She needs to grow up a lot and also either leave that man or work on the relationship.
Having children will not better a failing relationship.I speak from experience.I am a mother of a beautiful 6 yr old.I got pregnant (though in my case it was not planned) and our relationship was already falling apart...well having Chloe made the relationship worse.I don't regret Chloe though and she is growing up to be a happy little girl.But my point is,this chick's relationship is going down the hole already...getting pregnant will just make things worse.
And then to pawn the baby off on her mom and "try again"??? WTF?
This girl has some issues.She should not have children at this point.She needs to grow up a lot and also either leave that man or work on the relationship.
Having children will not better a failing relationship.I speak from experience.I am a mother of a beautiful 6 yr old.I got pregnant (though in my case it was not planned) and our relationship was already falling apart...well having Chloe made the relationship worse.I don't regret Chloe though and she is growing up to be a happy little girl.But my point is,this chick's relationship is going down the hole already...getting pregnant will just make things worse.
And then to pawn the baby off on her mom and "try again"??? WTF?
A child is not a doll! And you don't do that to children! They have feelings and love and to pawn it off is not thinking of the child first, which should be what a parent does!
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5,417 Posts
Think of late night feedings, diaper changings (from experience, a baby goes a lot! It made me grow up fast!), constant observation, teaching, when it cries, when it needs needles. .. What about if it was cholic? These kids (that's what they are acting like) should not have a friggen baby!!
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19,823 Posts
It made you grow up fast? :hehe:
You have a baby?
(kidding,kidding...I know what you mean)
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LOL!! You know what I mean! I was young too and helping out! lol:thumbsup: I love the little one! I remember when we visited in the hospital and first touched her. :dream:
Back to topic, that girl and many other people shouldnt have kids as a toy bandaid solution
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I do know what you mean.
I agree...people like this person should not have kids,not until they grow up.If they never grow up,then they should not bring babies into the world.
responsibility of a person you gave birth to weather they are 4 or 40 never stops . its a life long commitment
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