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she-mayor of Whoville
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289 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So I've noticed in the few forums I've joined (three in the past year), that people over the internet are unnecessarily aggressive to others..

I guess I make this point because on this very forum, I feel that when I offer my own personal experiences or opinions, often someone might attack me, seemingly out of no where..

It's like a culture of disagreement when the purpose of these forums is to help others. Sure, we might disagree on which products are best, or what behaviors to correct or change, but why, oh why, does the tone always seem aggressive?

Maybe it is just me taking things way personally, But I have often noticed that people's replies to my opinions and/or experiences are negative, and they try to show where I'm wrong, or how their method is better.

What ever happened to "That's a good thought, and it might work for you.. but"??

I feel like people can become nasty, aggressive and argumentative behind the wall of the internet.. and that affects me! Some people who are shy and passive in person go onto the internet and become seriously aggressive to others they don't even know!

I guess for anyone reading is, some people are highly sensitive to the responses of others. Some of us reach out to internet communities because our own personal relationships are lacking or unsatisfying. But then, (at least for me), I find even more frustration in trying to connect with people on forums when everything I say is somehow wrong, or easily contradicted.

I suppose, for myself, the only way to ensure my own comfort on forums is to call out people who are unnecessarily aggressive or argumentative. THis can be done constructively.. "Hey, I'm sorry you disagreed with what I posted, but can't you understand that I might have a different opinion or experience? Are I not entitled to share without being torn to shreds?"


Or, as some members poignantly offered, perhaps I am too sensitive for internet forums. I refuse to be defeated. But I also refuse to be trampled upon. I guess I just gotta stick up for myself and my beliefs.
 

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she-mayor of Whoville
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289 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
:/... At least I'm not alone feeling that way. Thanks Kendalle.
 

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is a little "special"
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4,131 Posts
I always try to be nice to people, so I sure hope I haven't made any one here feel bad. I usually call people out on it if they are being nasty too. I mean, being mean to someone doesn't get you anywhere. If eveyone on a forum attacks someone when they ask for advice, they'll just leave and not listen to anyone. People are MUCH more accepting of advice when you tell it them nicely, and try to understand their situation.
 

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Betta Bomb
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5,202 Posts
I agree with Jess. Being here for a couple years now I have noticed how some may take something the wrong way or out of context. Then the defense moves in and people argue. Othertimes, people are simply blunt about an issue. And seeing that we all come from different backgrounds with differing world views and opinions they are mashed here on forums and interpreted in many ways. I'm sorry if you feel this way about the forum. And especially now things can get aggressive bc there are no active admins watching over it o_O Only mods and other members. I think the problem with people, as you mentioned, is ove the internet people are masked by the internet. Their personality may differ from their real ones bc no body will know. - a vivid example is YouTube comments.
 

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she-mayor of Whoville
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289 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Uuuughhh!!!!!!!!!!!
 

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Registered
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5,083 Posts
I think its normally the new members that come and say a few meaner things then leave, and get people kind of riled up. As well as sometimes passive aggressive statements.
 

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chinchilla breeder
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321 Posts
The trouble with Forums and online is written words sometimes don't convey emotions so things can be taken to be meaner. If you are already feeling defensive/insecure you are more likely to read into a message as being rude or an attack
 

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she-mayor of Whoville
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289 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I'm not feeling defensive, I just wish that people would put more thought.. Like if I were to offer a bunch of advice, but someone disagreed with one small thing I said, I don't think it's helpful for that person to only state their disagreement and not even acknowledge any other stuff I said.

I ask again, why go on a forum and ask questions if you are not prepared to accept advice?
 

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Premium Member
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4,212 Posts
Agreed with ABC Chinchillas.

There's so much you miss out on by reading something on a forum verses talking to someone in person. It can be very difficult by just reading something to know how the person writing it meant for it to be read. It can be very easy to misinterpret how things are written.

I think sometimes people take things I write the wrong way. I'm a nice person (really I am I swear! lol), I never ever mean to come off rude or aggressive or anything like that. I try to write what I want to say in a friendly manner, but I'm not sure it always comes out that way when other people read things I wrote. On the other hand, I bet no one would mistake my tone/intentions if I was actually talking to them in person.
 

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Herp Nerd
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1,115 Posts
I've been on many, many discussion forums, dating back to the early 1990s. Aggressive people, people who willfully misread what you are saying, and people who just want skew what you say to start an argument are a dime a dozen... and when it comes to animal welfare, emotions seem to get amplified. The best you can do is respond only if necessary, otherwise, ignore them. It is generally not too hard to discern who is actually trying to be informative and helpful, even while seeming rude, and who is just being obnoxious. Simply don't let those obnoxious people drag you into their drama. It seems some people are just magnets for drama, and they can't help themselves... but sometimes it is just better to let the trolls be trolls on their own time and not waste yours. :)
 

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she-mayor of Whoville
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289 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Everyone has good points.

It may be about the person who sends seemingly rude messages, or the person who interprets them as seemingly rude.

I guess, as a sensitive person, I could be interpreting many of these messages as being more rude than they are.

I also have figured out that my biggest problem is with one specific member of a forum, not everyone. So for not making that connection, I apologize. I am sensitive, and that person is just.. insensitive .. in my opinion :p
 

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Resident Aquarium Nerd
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9,930 Posts
If you have a problem with a member or feel you were attacked in a thread, please contact a moderator (either myself or Dragonrain). You shouldn't ever have to feel like you're being attacked :(. Michelle (Dragonrain) and I do our best as far as moderating goes but we can miss stuff.
 

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she-mayor of Whoville
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289 Posts
Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Thank you. I dont feel as if I was "attacked," but more as if a certain member tends to disagree with everything I say, and it got really annoying, thus I had to vent. I just don't understand why someone would post a lot and ask a lot of questions but never ever accept advice? I told the person how I felt, they dismissed it entirely, so I'm done.

But I also realized that I can be sensitive, and I might take things the wrong way as it is hard to convey emotion on here. I need to take a step back and stop "mind reading"... But, If anything serious does occur, I will gladly fill you in. Thanks again.
 

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Curmudgeon
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1,843 Posts
There are many people who go to forums with "questions", but in actuality, they've already made up their minds what they want to hear. When people disagree, it can lead to hard feelings.

Like Rav said, on animal boards it can be even more dramatic. People have strongly held beliefs and feelings about their pets. When disagreements happen, they can be quick and painful.

If you are sensitive, you should prepare yourself before posting on animal boards, even this one. If you offer an opinion, be prepared for differing opinions, sometimes strongly worded rebuttals.

If you just stick to posting comments about the antics of your particular animals, or photos or straight facts, you won't run into problems nearly as often.

Just my observations...

Bob
 

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she-mayor of Whoville
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289 Posts
Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Truth!! Thanks!!
 

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It's all for them
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603 Posts
The trouble with Forums and online is written words sometimes don't convey emotions so things can be taken to be meaner. If you are already feeling defensive/insecure you are more likely to read into a message as being rude or an attack
I've been on many, many discussion forums, dating back to the early 1990s. Aggressive people, people who willfully misread what you are saying, and people who just want skew what you say to start an argument are a dime a dozen... and when it comes to animal welfare, emotions seem to get amplified. The best you can do is respond only if necessary, otherwise, ignore them. It is generally not too hard to discern who is actually trying to be informative and helpful, even while seeming rude, and who is just being obnoxious. Simply don't let those obnoxious people drag you into their drama. It seems some people are just magnets for drama, and they can't help themselves... but sometimes it is just better to let the trolls be trolls on their own time and not waste yours. :)
There are many people who go to forums with "questions", but in actuality, they've already made up their minds what they want to hear. When people disagree, it can lead to hard feelings.

Like Rav said, on animal boards it can be even more dramatic. People have strongly held beliefs and feelings about their pets. When disagreements happen, they can be quick and painful.

If you are sensitive, you should prepare yourself before posting on animal boards, even this one. If you offer an opinion, be prepared for differing opinions, sometimes strongly worded rebuttals.

If you just stick to posting comments about the antics of your particular animals, or photos or straight facts, you won't run into problems nearly as often.

Just my observations...

Bob
^ ^ ^

Agree with these well written thoughtful posts. :)

I must be reading different threads, I never see any arguing or nastiness in this forum. :)
 

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RAT ADDICT
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19,199 Posts
The trouble with Forums and online is written words sometimes don't convey emotions so things can be taken to be meaner. If you are already feeling defensive/insecure you are more likely to read into a message as being rude or an attack
AGREED.

And there is also the fact that people read things differently. One post may come off as very informative for one person,while to another person it can look like it is condescending or "mean". Nobody reads a post the same way.

And I fully admit I have read posts wrong in the past. The internet/texts are not always a good way at expressing what you want to say.


There are many people who go to forums with "questions", but in actuality, they've already made up their minds what they want to hear. When people disagree, it can lead to hard feelings.

Like Rav said, on animal boards it can be even more dramatic. People have strongly held beliefs and feelings about their pets. When disagreements happen, they can be quick and painful.

If you are sensitive, you should prepare yourself before posting on animal boards, even this one. If you offer an opinion, be prepared for differing opinions, sometimes strongly worded rebuttals.

If you just stick to posting comments about the antics of your particular animals, or photos or straight facts, you won't run into problems nearly as often.

Just my observations...

Bob
I also agree with this.
 

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[**||Seahorse Chick||**]
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85 Posts
I have to say, I've been on a lot of forums, and I know I'm new here, but people seem a lot nicer and I think it's because it's a pet forum not a specific type of animal, where your "experts" gather and argue, and some members get caught in the cross-fire.

I have gotten in full out fights with people who put words in my mouth (on a forum where everyone can see exactly what I wrote amazingly) and it's because some people have serious egos that they have to keep puffed up by squashing others. And then people suck up to them, not wanting to be on their bad side, so they think that people really like them and they keep doing it, probably not knowing the damage they are doing.

So those two types of people: Experts who speak the only "truth" and the ego boosters - I think cause most of the problems. :( I think everyone should respect the opinions of others and understand we can all learn from each other. I mean, that's the point of a forum isn't it?
 

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Registered
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5,083 Posts
I think the forum has calmed down again in the last 2 or so weeks i haven't seen any issues. Every once and a while a few heated threads pop up and then it kind of rolls, then simmers down.
 
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