How hard it is to lose something you love so much. Something you raised and fought for...
Liberty is through with the fight. We both fought and when she decided it was time to go, I helped her.
I put Liberty to sleep tonight. She seemed like she was getting better, and then everything fell apart today. She seemed more lethargic and wasn't interested in food anymore. At 8 I went in and she was on her side and flopped from one side to the other. She was stretching and couldn't stand. I took her out and immediately tried to give her some syrup. She wouldnt take it at all. She just layed in my arms, lifeless and stiff, but still breathing and occassionally looking at me and tearing my heart into pieces.
I took her to the emergency vet and he said it didnt look good at all. Her lack of response to things showed that her system was shutting down. Her twitching and stretching were signs of pain. He said he could inject some medication straight thru her veins to give her blood sugar a boost in case she was at a loss of energy, but he said even with that, she may only have a few hours.
I opted to stop the pain.... I put my sweet Liberty to sleep. They werent gonna let me be there bc they said sometimes in exotics they fight it and twitch more instead of just going right to sleep. I said that she was my animal and I wanted to be there with her. They said okay.... they tried in two bigger veins in the back legs.. they were still very small though. They had already stopped pumping so he said they would have to do it straight thru the heart. My own heart sank as I agreed. He gave her one dose, her heart stopped, and then started again. After the first minute or so he said she was unconscience. He had to give her another dose. She cried a few times and then left. She didnt fight it at all.
omg how I try not to question that I did the right thing. How I try to tell myself that I did all I could; that I fought as hard as I could. I tell myself it only makes me stronger.... but it is so hard to believe sometimes. I need strength and a sense of calm. I pray for it.
For now, Fuzzhead will be placed with Bryson as a sense of company. I dont know how long it will be... but until I can find strength to find and afford another mate for him, this is all I can do.
I will have a necro done in the morning.
Thank you all for your wishes and prayers.... but I guess God did what he felt was right.
RIP:
Liberty-Starr (9/11/02 - 12/7/03)
Liberty is through with the fight. We both fought and when she decided it was time to go, I helped her.
I put Liberty to sleep tonight. She seemed like she was getting better, and then everything fell apart today. She seemed more lethargic and wasn't interested in food anymore. At 8 I went in and she was on her side and flopped from one side to the other. She was stretching and couldn't stand. I took her out and immediately tried to give her some syrup. She wouldnt take it at all. She just layed in my arms, lifeless and stiff, but still breathing and occassionally looking at me and tearing my heart into pieces.
I took her to the emergency vet and he said it didnt look good at all. Her lack of response to things showed that her system was shutting down. Her twitching and stretching were signs of pain. He said he could inject some medication straight thru her veins to give her blood sugar a boost in case she was at a loss of energy, but he said even with that, she may only have a few hours.
I opted to stop the pain.... I put my sweet Liberty to sleep. They werent gonna let me be there bc they said sometimes in exotics they fight it and twitch more instead of just going right to sleep. I said that she was my animal and I wanted to be there with her. They said okay.... they tried in two bigger veins in the back legs.. they were still very small though. They had already stopped pumping so he said they would have to do it straight thru the heart. My own heart sank as I agreed. He gave her one dose, her heart stopped, and then started again. After the first minute or so he said she was unconscience. He had to give her another dose. She cried a few times and then left. She didnt fight it at all.
omg how I try not to question that I did the right thing. How I try to tell myself that I did all I could; that I fought as hard as I could. I tell myself it only makes me stronger.... but it is so hard to believe sometimes. I need strength and a sense of calm. I pray for it.
For now, Fuzzhead will be placed with Bryson as a sense of company. I dont know how long it will be... but until I can find strength to find and afford another mate for him, this is all I can do.
I will have a necro done in the morning.
Thank you all for your wishes and prayers.... but I guess God did what he felt was right.
RIP:
Liberty-Starr (9/11/02 - 12/7/03)
