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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So my mom is pretty mad at me. after three tried and failed post-secondary schooling attempts, I have given up, and I don't want to go back for at least a year.

I wouldnt have minded so much if she could make up her mind. First she tells me if I don't "straighten out my act" she's gonna kick me out.

Then she tells me I can stay as long as I want.

I feel emotionally suffocated by her. I'm actively looking for a second job and a place to live so that I can get out before I'm kicked out.

On top of that, I'm considering returning to school In about a year from now, maybe in Fine Arts. I'm not the greatest artist in the world, but in school, I was happiest in that program, compared to my other schooling experiments.

Of course, I cant tell my mom this because she either will not believe me, or tell me to "stop dreaming and go into something that will garuentee me a job" She can't talk, she's been at the same job since she was 19, and she never went to university.

I can't ask her for financial assistance, and shes making all of this very difficult. I have no one I can turn to for advice, and I feel like I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown.

If anyone can offer some support, advice or a helping hand, please do so.
 

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Amateur Zookeeper
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You have my support. I hope everything works out =)
 

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it's simple: it's your life, not you're mother's life.
She will tell you what she thinks is best for you: going to school in something you are sure to get a job at. And she's being doubly harsh with you because she couldn't do it for herself, and i'm sure she's somehow living through you and would love if you went to university.

I had the same problem. In high school I did sciences and was going to do animal biology at McGill, my mom was thrilled, she stopped school at 16 and did little jobs before becoming a stay at home mom. Now she works at a hair salon in new york because the boss is her friend.

I decided I wasn't going to be happy in a lab testing on animals and doing research that implied i had to dissect and kill animals to end up working in a lab probably (i wanted to do ethology, the study of the behavior of animals, but you don't end up in africa watching lions like i thought, u end up in a lab studying the behavior of crickets.)

So i had to tell my mom that I wanted to go into arts, drawing being my second passion. I thought she would be very open, and she wasn't she said i was going to fail and it scared her and that i would never get a job and i should keep arts on the side.
I told her i wouldn't be happy, i worked very hard on a portfolio and applied to Concordia in fine arts. (i am from france so no cegep after high school)
I got accepted and got my bachelor's. I then realized it was true and there's not many job openings apart from selling your art to galleries.

So now i am doing a technical program at Dawson college, and I'll hopefully become an illustrator.

you have to do what will make YOU happy. If your mother won't help you, you have to make your own luck and try to support yourself.
A lot of people in my painting and drawing program at concordia were older and coming back after realizing that science, politics or philosophy wasn't really what they wanted to do.

To reassure your mother, you could think about a plan. Once you do fine arts, what are you thinking of getting as a job?

It's important to study when you KNOW what you want to do so you can achieve that goal. If you have NO idea what you're going to work in, or what you want to do you should really convince your mom that working and taking a "Sabatical" is what's right for you so you can figure it out.
perhaps you could convince her on a financial level?
If you start going to school but realise after a year that you need to change programs, that's a whole year's worth of school paid for "nothing"
So perhaps it's better you work for a year and save up for school before committing to a program?
 

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Betta Bomb
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Aww, hugs
I am honest when I say I dont understand what its like having an over bearing mother but I sympathize with you. As Dustette said, its YOUR life. I "took one year off" after high school and now am still out 3 years later. Its up to you and the reason is I was rejected once already. Actually Im waiting on another yes or no which should come tomorrow or the next day. Know what Im taking? English. Not because it may or may not guarentee great money, but because its what I want to do. Follow your dreams, the rest will follow and arrange itself in perfect order.
I agree your mother just wants you to have a better future than she had herself. Dont hate her for it, she only wants to push you. Im actually a little jealous since my own mother had no and still has no interest in what I want to do. At least your mother loves you enough to show concern, eh?
Calm down and folow your heart :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks everyone :)

See, my interests are as follows:
Music
Art
Literature
Body Modification [Piercing, tattoos, etc]
And so on, all the artsy fartsy stuff. Its funny, my mom pushed me for ages to be a vet, because every time i felt something on one of our pets that wasnt right I'd harass her to take them to the vet, and 90% of the time it was something very serious. Thats her reason why she wants me to be a vet. I just dont have the emotional stamina for that sort of job :/

What I'd really love to do is open my own bookstore or cafe. But again, my mother thinks its another dream and I should go into social science or liberal arts at the very least :/

Sooo yes, thanks again everyone for all the advice :)
 

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Amateur Zookeeper
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All I have to say is follow your dreams! If you want to open a cafe then why not? Don't let people change your decision. Not everybody is right to become a doctor or a lawyer or some kind of 'dream' profession. And lots of people don't want to do that!! I just think that you should do whatever you want to with your life :)
 

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You have my support, both a cafe' and a bookstore sound nice. Also, I don't think liberal arts and social sciences will do much for you.. I want to be a graphic artist and even though theres not much call for it as a profession, its something I love to do.

In the end, what you learn in college goes toward your future, not your mother's.. that sounds harsh but I've had the same issues with my parents. Do what you want to do so that you can live the life you want to live, is my advice to you.
 

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I'm sorry, its so rough figuring out what youre going to do with your life, and having a nagging mom sure doesn't make the situation any easier. I know this sounds a bit crazy, but I would just try and ignore it as much as possible. Keep yourself busy, keep working towards moving out...I think that would take a great weight off your shoulders and give your mom something else to talk about :)

But while youre still at home, show your mom that you ARE interested in these things, past just basic knowledge. Pick up some books, especially about careers in the arts, and talk with her about interesting things you are learning. Its like you are jumpstarting your college learning, and your career. Just start with some books. And let her know what you're learning, I'm sure that she is just worried that (like TONS of people I know) will say that you are into this one thing, and never end up doing it. They never end up moving out, and are a burden to everyone they know. Let your mom know that that is not where you are going to end up :)

Have you looked into getting an internship at a piercing place? It is a bit hard to find, since you should really get to know the piercer or tattoo artist first, but once you've been hanging around enough its almost inevitable that (if they like you) you can internship with them. You probably won't get paid, and you pretty much just do *****work, but its a start on something that you may like a lot.

Keep your eyes on the prize, don't let the bastards bring you down :)
 

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Betta Bomb
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I just got accepted to begin my Bachelor of Arts degree in university. I am aware this is the MOST versatile degree to gain as you have SO many options and so many choices of courses in your area of minor and major. Everybody always asks me "SO what are you gonna be a teacher?" and I had one guy totally hate on me, "Why would you go for somehting like english? YOu will be poor in no time, go for a trade.".....This came from a JANITOR at my work......SO people will always hate on you but IM sure you did your research and if your like me you simply cannot see yourself in 20 years fixing automotive parts or cleaning the floors of large buildings? Something that makes you happy is being free and creative. Society is only pushing you to be "something more" in their eyes but if you and everybody else followed societies dream of success then there would be no art or books and people would become so bored. :)
Chin up dear, we all believe in you
 
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