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she-mayor of Whoville
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Over the past couple of years, i have noticed something about my brother(Mark)... he started to exaggerate about things, small things, but enough things that I started to take notice. We would we watching a tv show and it would show a gun or something, I'd say "what a cool looking gun" and my brother would respond "oh, I actually have one of those..."

The exaggerations and embellishments have gotten bigger, and now I believe he is telling flat out lies. The stories he tells are just... incredible, fantastic, out of the world stories that he claims happen to him.

Hes in law school, and he HAS had incredible experiences given to him (because my mother is actually a head honcho at the law school, and thus he gets anything he wants like internships, interviews, spots on teams, etc.)

He's interned for a criminal court judge, and told crazy stories about how someone pulled out a gun in court (absolutely impossible, the way they screen everyone before they enter the building, one cannot even bring in a cell phone), He claims he got to interview a convict by him self, etc. The criminal court stories are just the beginning.

More recently, he went to Washington DC for another externship, and he got to work with a Senator. That i know is true. But, the things he says that he did or people he got to meet.... He claims he met Obama TWICE. He claims he "helped with the debt crisis".. he even claims that he got job offers!!!!

I happen to know that he did NOT meet Obama, he just didn't. He also did not get to fly a single engine plane all by himself without a license or someone in the plane with him. I also happen to know that he did not win $800 dollars on his first roulette spin at Las Vegas when he went with us (I asked to see what a $100 chip looks like, he was unable to show me anything but $1, and $10.)

He.just.keeps.lying.

And Like I said, My mom is a big law person, and my dad is big business, so needless to say, my brother is the golden child. They eat up every word of every story he shares. There are dozens of other examples that I could bring, but the point is clear...

He uses these crazy stories also, to get out of family things. This past weekend is the best and worst example.

My brother came back from Washington DC on Friday.. We planned a nice cook out with beef and pork ribs (his favorite) on Saturday night. So, we all get there, and wait for the guest of honor to arrive. Meal time was 6 pm, and just at 6 pm, wouldn't you know, we get a call from Mark, claiming he's busy doing work for his Senator in DC, and can't make it out. If you could only see the let down in my mom's eyes. I was there, but it didn't matter.

The next day, we had scheduled a family outing to the White Sox *baseball* game. We got very expensive tickets in the sky box so we could get free food, beer, and excellent seats to view the game. We had planned, with my brother, this event for over a month.

My parents arrived, as did I and my boyfriend.. but once again, the guest of honor doesn't show. He didn't even text. Once the game was over, we were sunburnt, unhappy, and tired, he texted "I am sooo sorry I had to miss the game, I was on the phone all day with Washington DC"

Here's my problem. When you have an externship, and it ends, IT ENDS. In no way would they expect my brother to "keep working" on whatever it was he was working on, when he's in Chicago and done with the externship!!!!!! He claims, however, that he was an integral part in the debt crisis thing..

The saga contines..Last night, my brother asked me if I would like to plan a nice dinner with him for my parents this upcoming weekend. To me, that's a risky gamble considering he is not reliable for actually showing up to planned family events.
I point blank said "listen, last weekend was supposed to be family weekend, and for whatever reasons, it didn't work out. This weekend, I"m going to do other stuff, go ahead and take them out to dinner if you want, but I'm done."

Of course he phones and texts a bout a million times, but instead of just saying SORRY, I MESSED UP, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO KEEP PLANS AND PRIORITIES STRAIGHT, he instead goes ahead and lies again:

"Listen i'm sorry I couldn't make it, I've been working on this debt thing and dont tell mom and dad, but I actually flew out to DC last night"

Bull ****. It's just all bs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Since I am studying to be a counselor, I am trained to try to understand my own reactions to people and what they do or say.. so I am trying to figure out why it bothers me so much that my brother lies.

Am I jealous? Maybe. My schooling does not allow me to go off on externships in different states, or go to any of the cool things that law students get to go to.. But by no means is my schooling boring. Soon I will intern at a mental health facility, working with real people with real issues. The stories I will have will be great. But something inside me says, no story I could ever tell will ever be as great or as interesting to my parents as a story my brother will tell. EVEN if all the stories I tell are 100% the truth, they will never match the stories Mark tells, because he exaggerates, embellishes, LIES!!!!!!!

I hate to brag but in graduate school right now, I have 4 straight quarters of 4.0 gpa- that's right, a perfect gpa. My parents .. really dont care. I never got straight A's in college, this is an entirely new thing for me to be doing so well.. it's not enough apparently because I am not meeting the President, or being held up at gunpoint in a court room.

Perhaps I am competing with my brother for the affections of my parents. If this is true, I have already lost. My sister is at Harvard Business School, the best business school in the country, perhaps the WORLD, and my brother is in law school with all his fancy externships. Seeing as my mom is in law and my dad is in business, I am apparently the "artist child" the "lost child" the one who chose not to study what they think is important in the world.

Maybe he isn't lying. Maybe each and every story are true how he told them. Maybe I am pessimistic, and do not want good things to happen to my brother. I believe this is not true. While I cannot prove (and do not plan to prove) that all his stories are inaccurate or false, I do happen to know that if everything IS true, my brother then has a problem with being impulsive- all the stories if true would tell a tale of am impulsive person getting involved in too many things, taking huge risks, taking on too many responsibilities beyond what is called for (like still working for the Senator even though he's back in CHicago), etc.

I worry that when he either becomes a lawyer or a politician, the lies will just keep coming. It's almost part of a lawyer's or politician's job (lets not debate this- it is what it is) to lie to as many people as they can to get what they want. Heck, politicians get caught all the time for lying- it makes them look bad!! But, lying also gets them jobs... it's a cruel world. Lawyers, in an effort to "get to the truth" for their client, bend, hide, mangle and recreate the truth which is ACTUALLY LYING

What does this mean on my end? I cannot trust my brother- the one sibling I thought I could remain close to in adulthood- i cannot trust him. I don't believe anything he says, and I find myself actually shutting down when my brother starts a new story. It's like the moment he opens his mouth, I am already suspicious. I want to believe him.. I want to believe that amazing things are happening to him, but because this has gone on for so long, and the lies have gotten so big, I just can't. And that hurts.

ANd I need to find a way to express this to him .. "hey, I'm sorry I've been distant toward you of late, but this is kind of why. Over the years, I've noticed that.. the stories you tell.. just are so crazy, and 'incredible', that it has become hard for me to believe what you say. It really bothers me because now I can't trust anything you say. I want to trust you, you are my brother.. but I feel like I don't even know you anymore. I know you are doing amazing things with your young career, but at the same time, I am wondering why you feel you must impress us (family) with these false stories. We are already impressed with you- but for me, I just plain do not believe what you say anymore- can you help me find a way to trust you again."

If I could literally say that to my brother (without crying, god help us), I think I would get my point across.

But knowing him, he'd cover for himself, he'd offer a new lie to explain things, or he would just deny.

:confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused:
 

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some people lie to protect themselves from reality it doesnt make it right but its the best way they know how to cope. unfortnatley its a sucky way to do things but some people only know how to cope like that.
 

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He maybe just wants too look good in front of your eyes. Many people may actually believe him too. Enough truth, mixed with some gray, and there you have it, a perfect lie.
 

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she-mayor of Whoville
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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I had a chat with my mom about it, I basically spilled the beans, including the most recent lie that "he went to DC" on his own without telling anyone.

She believes he is getting caught up in the Washington DC atmosphere... where people are so artificial to get you to like them.. everyone charms everyone with tall tales and false promises.. He def. is caught up in it.

Luckily, this will be his third and final year in law school, it will kick his *** and hopefully bring him back down to earth- he'll have to pass all his classes, study for the bar, and try to get a job. I doubt there'll be much room for him to charm and lie to people.

Thanks everyone who cares and trying to help me figure this thing out!
 
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