Joined
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14 Posts
I know I am relatively new here, but I just need to let something out. Whenever I try to talk to anyone IRL about they just shake their head and refuse to talk to me.
I have been with my boyfriend for the last 6 years. It's been a long time and we are relatively young (only 20). We played the long distant relationship game for about 5 1/2 of those years (we knew each other before he moved due to his dad's disease). But we did okay! We got along great, visited each other every opportunity we had and it was a dream come true. I am in love with him, very much so. I mean, I have to be - I moved 1600 miles to be with him because his university credits wouldn't transfer to anywhere near me.
Ever since I have moved here it seems everything has just taken a nose dive. He is always in a bad mood, and has a tendency to take it out on me. I mean, come on! I am not just some object he had treat like that. We've gotten into countless arguments about it. He has never physically laid a hand on me, and I don't think he ever will. It just pisses me off that he treats me like ****. Just the other day he apologized to me while we were snuggling, saying he doesn't always treat me like I deserve to be treated, and that I'm the only one he has.
I have taken domestic violence courses in the pursuit of my Criminal Justice degree and I know the vicious cycle. That's what it appears to be. He apologizes to me and tells me he loves me and then he turns around and acts like an a$$hole again.
It's taken a devastating toll on my mental state, and I always feel depressed and will randomly cry for no reason. It's hard, because I love him so much. I love him with every fiber of my being. His dad used to treat him like ****, and even broke his finger when we were younger (and which I was present for). I tell myself it's this that influences his anger, but it isn't an excuse.
I know it isn't excuse, so why do I keep putting up with it? I am so ready to throw in the towel and just go back and live with my parents. At the same time I don't want to give up all of the hard work I have put into making this happen. It's such a costly mistake. I mean, I spent over $3,000 in moving costs.
But I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. He doesn't beat me, or prevent me from going out. I have control over my bank account and what I buy/do. But the emotional and mental state of it is hard. He never gives me a hug when I'm sad, or tells me it's going to be okay. He treats me like his dad treats his mom, even though I have let him know this is not okay.
And man, I don't even know what I'll do for the apartment rent if I move out since I'm on the lease. I don't want to pay for a place I'm not going to live in.
Well, I feel a little better now that I have let that out. I still really want a hug though and no one to get it from. It's hard moving to a place where you have no friends.
I have been with my boyfriend for the last 6 years. It's been a long time and we are relatively young (only 20). We played the long distant relationship game for about 5 1/2 of those years (we knew each other before he moved due to his dad's disease). But we did okay! We got along great, visited each other every opportunity we had and it was a dream come true. I am in love with him, very much so. I mean, I have to be - I moved 1600 miles to be with him because his university credits wouldn't transfer to anywhere near me.
Ever since I have moved here it seems everything has just taken a nose dive. He is always in a bad mood, and has a tendency to take it out on me. I mean, come on! I am not just some object he had treat like that. We've gotten into countless arguments about it. He has never physically laid a hand on me, and I don't think he ever will. It just pisses me off that he treats me like ****. Just the other day he apologized to me while we were snuggling, saying he doesn't always treat me like I deserve to be treated, and that I'm the only one he has.
I have taken domestic violence courses in the pursuit of my Criminal Justice degree and I know the vicious cycle. That's what it appears to be. He apologizes to me and tells me he loves me and then he turns around and acts like an a$$hole again.
It's taken a devastating toll on my mental state, and I always feel depressed and will randomly cry for no reason. It's hard, because I love him so much. I love him with every fiber of my being. His dad used to treat him like ****, and even broke his finger when we were younger (and which I was present for). I tell myself it's this that influences his anger, but it isn't an excuse.
I know it isn't excuse, so why do I keep putting up with it? I am so ready to throw in the towel and just go back and live with my parents. At the same time I don't want to give up all of the hard work I have put into making this happen. It's such a costly mistake. I mean, I spent over $3,000 in moving costs.
But I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. He doesn't beat me, or prevent me from going out. I have control over my bank account and what I buy/do. But the emotional and mental state of it is hard. He never gives me a hug when I'm sad, or tells me it's going to be okay. He treats me like his dad treats his mom, even though I have let him know this is not okay.
And man, I don't even know what I'll do for the apartment rent if I move out since I'm on the lease. I don't want to pay for a place I'm not going to live in.
Well, I feel a little better now that I have let that out. I still really want a hug though and no one to get it from. It's hard moving to a place where you have no friends.