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· Registered
430 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Why does it seem like certain rescue(in RL) try and guilt trip you into feeling sorry for their animals. After foxy our foster got adopted out to a person who works for the rescue i wrote into a rescue that needed foster families for cats that have been coming in more often. It's like pulling a leg trying to get them to contact me and it's not my fault that i don't have time to bend over backwards for when this dude does contact me. We learnt recently that my husband will be going into surgery for his gallbladder to get removed. We have a very sweet calico cat named ****(demented name if you ask me as she looks more like a lily) and we asked the guy if a temp home could be found for her while my husband is recovering(we have a really high bed and the spare room bed is closer to the floor) so he will have to sleep there but i have been dealing with my own issues for a couple days now where i have sever pain going up and down my arm and the same shocking on the left side of my head to where it goes completely numb(I am going to my doctor on tuesday to get this figured out) so we have been dealing with some serious issue's lately and it feel's like rescues are only interested in if their animals are taken care of and not the well being of the people who are taking care of them(my husband is due for surgery this wednesday) I already have enough issue's with looking after our house, sylvester having bumps on his stomach and by his tail(he will go to a vet soon) battling our condo board to let us keep harley here full time, two chinchilla's that need to be socialized everyday to make them more happy, one dog who can't be away from people for more than 2 hours before he completely freaks out and a friend who keeps shoving down my throat that she is pregnant and i am not and i just want to punch her face in. The last thing i want to deal with is a rescue organization trying to guilt trip us for temporaily(5-7 weeks so my husband has no stress on him) I don't think i want to work for a rescue with fostering anytime soon.

· Official Loofah Tester
1,386 Posts
The unfortunate nature of the beast in rescue work is that it both requires and feeds a self sacrificing nature. On the up side, anyone who rescues animals are saints. On the downside, the rescue community can easily fall victim to the dark side of sainthood. A martyr feeding 'I'm more noble than you' expectation/subtle competition among its members. People who rescue get positive self worth reinforcement for being self sacrificing. When you get an entire community with that same mentality, it can easily turn into a Rescue Nazi atmosphere if that side of the community's nature isn't kept in balance.

And considering how few people are in rescue work and there's always millions of more animals in need than rescues...well. How can it not spin out of balance on occasion?

Stepping back even temporarily can be like a junkie telling his junkie friends he's not going to use any more and he needs their help to stay sober.

The rescue group is a wonderful bunch of people, how can it not be...but they are not going to be able to look out for your needs. It goes against everything rescue work is trying to accomplish unless they are able to look at the big picture and will make extra effort to protect their stable of rescuer golden gooses from burning out. Since rescue work by its nature feeds the 'who's a better martyr' mentality, I've seen precious few who were able to look at that part of the big picture.

So I'll tell you exactly what other people have often told me when I get chronically overwhelmed...How can you be any good to your children if you are so worn down that you can't stand up? You'll /have/ to be your on physician and heal thy own self.

You are also the only one who is going to be able to find and create your limit so you can stay an effective rescuer, and right now with everything else going on in your life, I'll validate for you that your self sacrificing line needs to be a lot tighter than it would be other times. Don't apologize for it, and though I know you'll still do it (I do too), I'll tell you you can't let yourself feel guilty over it. Just stay simple and matter of fact when you tell them AGAIN you can't provide effective foster setting for **** for the next few weeks, but will gladly take **** back in a couple of months when your husband is well.

Hang in there!
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